Well, I’m a special agent.

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One day I was farting around on the internets and I checked out their website. They had a “Special Agent Challenge” quiz where they asked “if I had what it takes.” I couldn’t resist.

Three weeks later, I’m a special agent. I now answer text messages for money.

What kills me is what people write in to ask. The demographic who uses this service must skew hella young because there’s a ton of questions like “Does Bobby love me?” or “Will I ever find the right one?” These are answers I just make up on the fly… “Of course Bobby loves you, you’re great! Ask us anything!”

For questions requiring solid answers, such as “When was Madonna born?” you have to research or utilize their database. You then have to cite the source within their online processing system and you’re good to go. You pick the next question and roll.

I, of course, like to have as much fun as possible with the whole thing. I think, what would it take to get fired from a job like this? So I make my answers less about the money (10 cents for each answered!) and more about a creative exercise.

Here are this week’s favorites:

Question:
What are the problems with infection from masturbating with a toothbrush?

My answer:
There’s no more risk of infection than masturbating with anything else… but at least your vag will be minty fresh! Ask away!

Question:
can a 15 yr old drugie become succesful?

My answer:
Sure, you can become anything you want in life but you might want to start by learning how to spell the word SUCCESSFUL. We’re here for you!

A customer texts back in reply to a previous answer by someone else:
i asked for some christmas drinks which means more than one you stupid fucks

My answer:
There’s Spiced Punch, The Carolling Cup, the Candycane Swirl, and the Cup of Good Cheer… which is sounds like you could use. Text back for recipes!

You get all this for 99 cents! Ask away!

I did a bit of research and ended up talking to Josh’s mom, Renee.  She told me about how he started an organization called “Geeks in the Woods” and how he’s spoken at environmental conferences and such (at the ripe old age of 16).  She told me that Josh would be helping out at a Nature Camp for kids here soon so I made arrangements to meet them there.  I figured that would be a good place to start.

I hired my friend Jason to help me shoot the piece and we headed out to Jacksonville, Alabama the night before.  I made reservations at the University Inn right there on the main strip so I surely expected a treat.  When the older, Southern gentleman checked us in and said we could get “adult beverages” right down the way, I knew I was right.

The next morning we go meet Josh, meet his mom, meet his class of 20 kids (freakin’ adorable), and talk to a bunch of people.  We shoot all day, have some fun, and it basically turned out really nice.  Here are a couple pictures:

I’m including the package below too so you can see.  I’m going to include two versions though.  The interesting thing about freelance (or whenever you do one of these) is that your work is subject to someone else’s vision.  Meaning, they can change or add it as they see fit.  For my piece I was always supposed to deliver the “barebones” while they then supped it up with graphics and such (just so you know why it’s just the basic story).  Once The Weather Channel got it into their hands though, they added a few things.

Here is my version:

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Here is how it aired:

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And here is us goofin’ off in the middle of the shoot:

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Overall, I’m quite happy with all versions.  It was a fun shoot.
Now I just need to find the next one!!

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Needless to say, Kyle’s house is gonna be a stinky one for a minute.  The water got cut off today.  I guess it’s time go open some of that mail, eh?

Certainly I’m not the only one who doesn’t open their mail, right?

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It’s sort of devastating to see a city that you love in pieces.  It’s almost unreal.  Places you were standing not 12 hours earlier are now covered by pieces of the buildings that stood above them.  These are from right below The Glen Hotel, where we were just the night before (you can see The Glen Hotel just above and to the left of the twisted Philips Arena sign).

It was all quite strange… being thrust completely out of your element and then left to question where you are.  It was especially weird because I had just spent 3 days showing off the city that I loved.  I got to drive around, brag, point out cool shit, and totally reconnect myself.  Showing other people what you see everyday allows you to see it through their eyes and it becomes fresh again.  That’s what had happened with Atlanta and now it was so violently torn apart… and in an instant.

(This entry previously published on March 14, 2008 but I moved it up to be a part of the new kyle.tv blog, which began on July 1, 2008)

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Check this out!!
(As long as it lasts before it’s flagged!)

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When you have no set income, no health insurance, and rely on the kindness of others for money you’re called a “freelancer.”  Welcome to my new world.  Part of my strategy in making sure it’ll work for me is not to say “no” to any work that comes my way.  When that work turns out to be a 3 day gig with Playboy TV, you definitely don’t say no!  So welcome to “Adventures in Freelance, Part 1.” 

My friend Shannon – who runs a kick ass burlesque troupe called The Dames a’Flame – called to tell me that Playboy TV was coming to town and they needed an assistant.  It would be a small crew consisting of two main characters, a shooter, and a director.  It didn’t pay that much but whatever.  They needed someone to show them around the city and Shannon thought I’d be perfect.  I called the director and happily accepted.

They were going to be in town for 3 days, Thurs-Sat.  The series was “69 Sexy Things 2 Do Before You Die” and Atlanta – excuse me, “Hotlanta” – was the setting for this one.  Apparently the series is about couples who travel to various cities, have hot sex vacations, and Playboy is there to document what the city has to offer.  And now, by proxy, so am I. 

So what exactly does Hotlanta have to offer? 

Well, one of the highlights was definitely The Mile High Club.  Unbeknownst to me and probably most everyone, Georgia is home to the “official” Mile High Club.  (I guess that makes me a mere “unofficial” member, ahem.)  But just a short drive away, to West Carrollton, is an airport with a Piper Cherokee Six custom made for screwin’ in the sky.  Playboy TV was all over it.

We got out there our two lead actors – Christine and Mark – got out and started checking out the plane.  It was a two-seater with a mattress in the back surrounded by about 4 pillows.  Check this out:

There was only room for 4 people.  That meant the director and I would have to stay back while the pilot and the shooter (not to be confused with the lead male) were in front.  The couple would be in the back.

While they filmed the scene leading up to the flight, I got to talk with Bob a bit (the middle-aged, married, Southern gentleman-pilot who ran the club).  I told him I was surprised that, in rural Georgia, this sort of thing would, um, fly. 

He told me that he did get a call once from a prominent business owner in that area who told him that “they didn’t need this sort of thing in their community.”  Bob asked the man – who owned a few Holiday Inn type hotels in the area – what the difference was between couples doing it in rooms he rents them or them doing it up in his rented airplane?  Great point.  He never heard back.

Then I asked him if he ever had guys calling him… like, gay ones.  He said yes but that he hadn’t taken any up.  I asked if he would.  With a smile on his face he said, “sure… money is money.”  (kyle.tv challenge anyone?) 

Anyways, as the couple came and went apparently the friendly skies weren’t so friendly.  It took them about an hour, all told, and when they got back they looked a wreck.  The director had wanted them to fly over Atlanta so shots of the skyline could be out the window as they were “doing it” (they always fake “did it”).  I guess that meant for harsher turbulence or something because they said the flight was uncomfortably BUMPY.  Instead of getting sick they worked the thrusts and bumps into the scene but they all came back pretty winded.  They faked their “Mile High Club” certificate and we all got the hell outta there.

Not too bad for a first day on the job.

(This entry previously published on March 13, 2008 but I moved it up to be a part of the new kyle.tv blog, which began on July 1, 2008)

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